Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Grand chef abbu.

We decided it is high time for us to take control of our diets, and presto our already cramped abode had to make room for a kitchen. Now I am to say unwary of ways of a kitchen, but I sometimes felt a calling, something inside me wanting to be a chef, to hog asparagus and food of those sorts. When I once laid my eyes on a tin of shelled calms, I knew what my existence lacked; a kitchen.

Stove we got from a friend; it was the collateral requirements which burnt our pockets. I needed the list; rang my mom. She gave me a list of essentials; pans, vessels, spoons, knifes, storages boxes etc, then the topic moved on to cooker, the requirements here was of a 3.5 ltrs modest cooker, ample for two souls who wished to flatten the tyres around the tummies. But mom threw her weight behind 6 ltr, wide base, multi purpose one costing twice as much as the 3.5 ltr deluxe variety. She won’t relent, she spoke to the sales guy and I carried the cooker out. Later I got this inside info from sis that my mom owns the following 3.5, 5, 10 and 15 ltr cookers. (and on my way back, I found myself humming. ”all that she lacked is another baby, baby”).

Suhail was more than happy to inaugurate the kitchen and served me a great dish of chicken korma. The next morning, I don’t know how, I got up earlier than him and was apprehended, to get a packet of milk. When he poured the milk in indalium vessel, I realized to my amusement, that milk and curd packets are both moon white and the 500 ml of the both come in equal size packets and cost nearly the same and are tricky to distinguish when kept side by side. He was not amused and even chastised me about how to spread jam.

But I redeemed myself the same night, roties was decided to be the spread for the night. Suhail no matter how hard he tried could not roll chapathi right. I offered to help, but my frivolous smile cheated him, then after a umpteenth try I finally got to hold the ‘baalen’. and round and even chapathi were the surprising result.

Well I was never allowed into the kitchen when I was kid, cause I was accused of knocking things around and was sidelined to dinner table, and far from the environs of kitchen, rolling of chapaties was the activity where I crafted a niche for myself.

That’s it for now, but before I quit let me give few lesson to the intrepid cook.

Lessons for the intrepid cook:

1. There is always steam still left to bite in a cooker.
2. even chicken contain fat, and the butcher is not your best friend.
3. curd packet and milk packet are absolutely undistinguishable (unless you are a jerk who reads fine print).
4. so are salt and sugar..
5. salted chocolate drink is palatable
6. don’t boil dal in a vessel earmarked for otherstuffs.
7. “dal galti nahi”, has profound meanings (if you add sugar it will never).
8. A chef, is hence forth declared uncool.
9. boiled eggs spoil the next morning.
10. no matter what u do, a onion is a onion..
11. You spread jam over a slice by skating the spoon around, any other way u might have tried is wrong.

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